Sleep Talking Man

Yes, I am jacking a link from VSL for the 2nd time this week. No, I don't care, because this dude is hilarious. His wife records stuff he says while he sleeps. Here are my 10 favorite quotes:

1. "Dogs' scrotums. They stretch."
2. "Pork chops are most satisfying. Mmmmmmm. Dangle them from the ceiling."
3. "Oompa loompas don't sing in heaven. They tidy up the clouds."
4. [yelled upon waking] "COCK HUNTER!"
5. "I haven't put on weight. Your eyes are fat."
6. "Elephant trunks should be used for elephant things only. Nothing else."
7. "Well that's just great. Peanut butter in my crack. Goddamnit."
8. "Don't leave the duck there. It's totally irresponsible. Put it on the swing, it'll have much more fun."
9. "Oh, we're going to be late for the pogo ballet, stop it!"
10. "So this is what it feels like to be a gummy bear... I can't walk though, I have to rock... I think i'll call myself BerNARD. Not BERnard. BerNARD. And I'll be a golden gummy bear."